Wedding Guest List Etiquette: How to Say Yes and No

Draft your must-invite list first: immediate family, closest friends, people whose absence you would notice on the day. This is the A-list.

If your venue capacity allows more, build a B-list of people you would love to have but do not need. Invite from the B-list only as A-list declines come in — and always at least 8 weeks before the date so those invitees do not feel like an afterthought.

Standard rule: give a plus-one to anyone who is married, engaged, cohabitating, or in a serious long-term relationship. Not required for casual dating or 'someone from work.'

Apply the rule consistently. If one single friend gets a plus-one and another does not, you will hear about it.

Three common approaches: all kids welcome, immediate family kids only, or fully adult reception. Any of these is fine — communicate it clearly on the invitation and be prepared to repeat the policy when asked.

Address the envelope to the adults only if kids are not invited: 'Mr. and Mrs. Rivera,' not 'The Rivera Family.'

Coworkers: invite all or none from a small team. Do not invite your entire department; do invite the people you actually see outside work.

Estranged family: not inviting someone is not rude; expecting everyone else to pretend nothing happened is. A quiet 'we're keeping the day small' is a complete sentence.

Divorced parents: seat them at separate tables, both close to you. Do not put them in the same photo unless you have all agreed.