Do the bride's parents still pay for the wedding?

Not by default. It is now common for the couple to pay themselves, for both families to contribute equally, or for one set of parents to cover a specific item. The tradition of the bride's family paying comes from a dowry system that no longer applies.

How do same-sex couples divide costs?

The same way any modern couple does — through the three-conversation framework above. There is no default rule.

Who Pays for What at a Modern Wedding

Updated July 25, 2026

The old etiquette assigned specific line items to the bride's family, the groom's family, and the wedding party. That framework does not fit most couples today — including same-sex couples, couples where one or both partners have already been married, couples whose parents cannot or should not contribute, and couples paying for the whole thing themselves.

The modern approach: have the money conversation early, agree on totals rather than line items, and put everything in writing.

The three-conversation framework

Conversation 1 — with your partner: what do we want to spend, and what can we contribute from our own income and savings?

Conversation 2 — with each set of parents separately: is there anything you would like to contribute? A specific amount is more useful than 'we'll help.'

Conversation 3 — a joint budget review: totals only, not who paid for the napkins.

Typical modern splits

Couple pays everything: increasingly common, especially for couples over 30. Removes any expectation of input on guest list or decisions.

Couple + one set of parents: parents contribute a fixed dollar amount toward the venue or catering; couple covers the rest.

Three-way split: couple, partner A's family, partner B's family each contribute an equal amount. Works well when families are on similar financial footing.

What the wedding party is expected to cover

Their own attire, alterations, and travel. Their own hair and makeup unless the couple offers to cover it.

The bachelor and bachelorette parties, split among attendees — not billed to the couple.

A wedding gift, if the person feels moved to give one. Standing up is a gift in itself.

When family contributions come with strings

A contribution with strings — 'we'll pay if we get 30 more guests' — is a loan, not a gift. Decide together whether the trade is worth it.

The safest phrasing: 'Thank you so much. We are keeping decisions with the two of us so we can keep it simple, but we love that you want to be part of this.'

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Frequently asked

Do the bride's parents still pay for the wedding?: Not by default. It is now common for the couple to pay themselves, for both families to contribute equally, or for one set of parents to cover a specific item. The tradition of the bride's family paying comes from a dowry system that no longer applies.
How do same-sex couples divide costs?: The same way any modern couple does — through the three-conversation framework above. There is no default rule.

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